I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting the other day. I do this sometimes so I can gain perspective on the disease from the other side of the fence. My own view point can become very narrow at times and I need fresh ideas so my brain can have some more puzzle pieces to play with to figure out this great big thing we call life. Tunnel vision is the great curse of being an alanonic.
At this meeting, there was a newcomer who didn't know if they were in the right meeting. They told some of their story and then threw out their question to the others in the program: “So, do you think I'm an alcoholic?” They seemed desperate for some kind of validation, as if they were pleading with the elders of some tribe to tell them what they needed to do with their life, give them guidance on this problem and start them on the quest to finding the missing part of themselves.
None of the people in the meeting would tell them the answer. It couldn't come from them. They weren't a tribe of elders. They followed Tradition Two very well where it was written, “For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.”
In the end one of them finally explained that no one in Alcoholics Anonymous could call another person an alcoholic. They had no authority like that. They only came to share their OWN experience, strength and hope not to cast judgments on those who came through the doors to the meetings. They went on to say that it was something that person would have to do some soul-searching to figure out because when the answers came from inside themselves with the help of a Higher Power, that answer would mean more. They also explained that to judge someone like that would take away the dignity of them finding their own answers away from them.
Now most times I understand that alcoholism is a disease, but my old thinking of them being screwed up individuals who would screw up more times than not is still ingrained in the back of my head. There I was though-- listening to the people in the meeting and they were making more sense than I was during this conversation. As an alanoic, I always feel like I have to tell those in my life when they are sick or bad or crazy. I have an overwhelming need to tell them to stop and do it right-- do it my way. I am quite often judge, jury and executioner for those who I deem more broken than me. Thinking I know better than everyone else is my own special brand of sickness.
I'm no better or worse than the rest. I have no right to believe or act or preach otherwise.
They have their own Higher Power and I am not it.
I have to let people make up their own minds, do their own soul-searching and make their own decisions. I have to detach. I have to live and let live. I have to keep an open mind and remember that I can learn from everyone and everything out there.
Only in this way will I start to recover from my own sickness.
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