"When Love Is Not Enough" -- The Lois Wilson Biographical Movie

I found the biographical move of Lois Wilson, the founder of Alanon and the wife of Bill Wilson, the founder of AA, on YouTube this morning. It shows the audience how an alcoholic marriage looks and the great pain that those who find themselves in one can experience. I'm not from an alcoholic marriage myself but the stories of what happens behind closed doors at home are similar for me as an adult child of two alcoholics: the fights to take the keys from the drivers who can't drive, the times when you really need them to be there for you and they fail to show up, the times the family members leave the alcoholic hoping that it'll keep them sane or make the alcoholic sober and the way that you can find yourself loving them despite all the hell they put you through. It's not an easy way of life-- it's a sickness and a disease that first separates and then seeks to conquer.

I found myself having resentments through the movie that I had never thought about before. For all Bill W's faults he was the one who started AA-- just a drunk who but for the grace of god go I. Once he succeeded in getting himself sober he went on to help so many people and though their marriage was rocky through his active stage and then even in recovery, he still made a future with Lois. I wondered why some people can do that when no one in my family could. I always thought I was amazed by these people but I think a part of me is actually angry. Angry at them or maybe just at the disease-- why do some people recovery and go on to live relatively happy lives and some people lay buried in the dirt after their funerals? We may never know and even after we know the answer will probably still piss me off.

Another thing I noticed while watching the movie is how I'm struck by the history of these programs. Most of the movie takes place during in the 1930s, in the great depression-- both economical and emotional. Watching people who were even younger than my grandparents face the kind of issues we're still dealing with today and see them start programs that we are still benefiting from today was impressive. It felt like standing on top of a mountain to see how grand the universe is and somehow being a part of everything there. We are living better lives because of the work that these two individuals accomplished. Their legacy lives on.

A lot of times I feel broken because I came from an alcoholic dysfunctional household, but look at what two other 'broken' people accomplished! They were homeless at times, which is something I've struggled with myself, but they marched on and continued their good work. They only helped so many people because of the pain they had both been through. It was so empowering in the movie when Lois realizes that she could actually help others by starting her own groups and by doing so help herself. We come together to share our experience, strength and hope as she did before us-- and so many generations in between. How many rooms has Alanon's message been shared? How many meetings have been held since Lois began this program decades ago? There is something beautiful happening here and it began so many years ago. It grew strong through the ages and it'll continue into the future if we uphold what we've learned in this program and keep the message alive.

Thank you, Lois, for everything!

“Our hearts do not need logic. 

They can love and forgive and accept that 

which our minds cannot comprehend. 

Hearts understand in ways minds cannot.” -Lois Wilson